You'll never be better than Commander Shepard
by QualityRachni
Summary: Commander Shepard is being driven insane by the latest attempt to cash in on her heroics; a song all about her by a mixed species band named Miracle of Sound. Inspired by a comment on lj's Mass Effect comm Implied F!Shep/Garrus romance.


Inspired by a comment on the Mass Effect livejournal comm. This is how I imagine my headcanon Shepard to react to Miracle of Sound's song Commander Shepard.

Huuuuge hanks to obsydiandreams for beta-ing this for me :)

Disclaimer: Bioware owns Mass Effect (boo) and Miracle of Sound owns...himself I guess? And the musical rights to his song. I own nothing, unfortunately!

* * *

><p>It was beginning to annoy the living day lights out of her...the Commander Shepard song, by a mixed species band called Miracle of Sound, had been number one at the top of the Galactic Chart for six damned weeks.<p>

Everywhere she went, people thrust posters, holos, guns, armour, even babies at her, hoping she'd sign them. It reminded her just a little of her first mega-fan; Conrad Verner...though he seemed tame by comparison now.

She managed to slip out of the Zakera Cafe unnoticed by a crowd of humans, krogan and volus all sporting Shepard merchandise. It was becoming common to see people wearing shirts that said "I bought this shirt at Commander Shepard's favourite store on the Citadel" or something of that ilk. She had tried her hardest to ignore it all.

Which was easier said than done, seeing as it turned out that "Commander Shepard" was the new favourite song aboard the Normandy; Joker and EDI had taken to playing the hook-line from the chorus whenever she boarded the ship. Tali had been caught humming along to it once or twice whilst Ken and Gabby played it in engineering, Grunt had regarded the song with a high level of enthusiasm, glad that the band had recognised his battle-master's strength. Mordin could sometimes be heard singing his own version of it, making it sound like something straight out of a Broadway , she'd even come across Garrus singing it at one point. He'd soon stopped when he saw the murderous look on her face. She'd have liked it if at least he had shared her opinion of the song. It seemed the only person aboard her ship who couldn't stand it any more than she could was Jack; but it didn't take much to get the young convict angry.

Lelia grinned, recalling the tattooed biotic's explosive reaction to the song. Her furious screams at the engineering staff had been so loud; Joker had been able to hear her all the way up on the bridge. As a result, Ken was scared stiff of the woman and refused to play, hum or even think of the song, "_just in case she's got telepathic powers too, y'ken? Am no wantin tae end up wae ma brain leakin oot ma nose, Commander. Kinda need it aye?" _She shook her head and made her way past the Galaxy map, for once, ignoring her young yeoman and making a bee-line for the elevator. If she was lucky, Garrus would be in her quarters already; she didn't quite feel like making the side trip to the crew deck and having to pass everyone there. It would only give them the chance to start singing for her.

Luck seemed to be on her side; the elevator made it to the loft without anyone else boarding, and her door was unlocked; meaning Garrus was inside already. A smile crossed her lips as she stepped inside her cabin and found him sitting at her private terminal. He turned to face her, his mandibles flaring in what passed for a turian smile.

"Shepa- Lelia...that message came through." he said, catching himself on using herproper name. He still found it hard adjusting to calling her Lelia in private. She found it adorable, but wouldn't dream of telling him and instead raised an eyebrow.

"Oh?" she stepped across the room and draped herself over his shoulders, resting her head against his cowl as she read the e-mail,

_Commander Shepard,_

_We are pleased to announce that your case has been processed, "Commander Shepard" will be removed from the charts forthwith and all proceeds from the song will be forwarded to your account as a result._

_We thank you for doing business with us__._

_Sincerely, _

_Erina T'Mayn_

Lelia grinned and kissed him on the cheek before grabbing him in a tight hug. The song had been defeated, because after all, no one was better than Commander Shepard!

* * *

><p>Also, note to obsydiandreams , I'm glad you liked the written Scottish dialect for Ken!<p> 


End file.
